Growing Up in College, Literally

Our oldest daughter, Sara, slept through her first college exam but she had a pretty good excuse. She was only two months old.

When you have a parent who teaches at a university, your introduction to campus life starts early. I had a theory that our raised-on-a-campus daughters arrived at college with a different perspective on campus life than their classmates. To test my theory I posed this question to them, “What did you learn as kids by growing up in college?” Here’s what they had to say.

Read your books

First and foremost, both daughters weighed in with “your professors expect you to read your textbooks”. Veronica, our PhilaU daughter, pointed out that this was Dad’s number one tip too. Actually, my husband puts it a little differently. His syllabi say “READ, READ, READ the assigned material.”

Proofreading works

Veronica has noticed, in observing classmates over the years, that solid writing skills can make a good student a great student. All students should begin by proofreading their own papers, but Veronica believes that “even great students should have someone to edit the really important papers”. As independent support of this suggestion, our older daughter, Sara, was often recruited as a proof-reader for classmates’ papers.

Go to class

Seem like a no-brainer? Our daughters have had many classmates who exercise their new-found freedom by skipping classes, lots of them. Veronica says, “it’s super important to attend classes because they’re only held a few times a week, compared to every day in high school, so there’s more packed into them.” Borrowing class notes is good in a pinch but it’s no substitute for exposure to the collegial experience of a real live class.

Professors are people too

Veronica notices that students can feel intimidated by some of their professors. From her perspective she comments that “I know so many professors in a completely social and non-education sense because they are my Dad’s friends whom I have been around my whole life. It is easy for me to see them as just regular people, like my Dad, who have normal lives outside of the university and are most likely not out to get me and give me a bad grade.”

Plagiarism is never OK

It’s also more easily detected than students realize. Both of our girls echoed this sentiment because they have been hearing this mantra for as long as they can remember. Plagiarism takes many forms and most professors use software to detect possible instances in students’ work, so it is difficult to “get away with it”. It also bears heavy consequences including, in some cases, failure or expulsion.

Independence rocks

Parents know that college is a time for their students to gain some independence but it can be a challenge for parents to hold back when their students are challenged by new situations. One of our girls said “I know Dad used to say that parents would call him with issues” (no names or details, of course) “but college can be a good time to learn to fight your own battles and, if you have an issue with a teacher or a grade it's time to learn to deal with it.” It’s a huge accomplishment and a good feeling when students solve problems on their own, even when it takes trial and error. Besides, when it comes to academics, confidentiality laws prohibit professors from discussing their students’ performance with parents.


I hope this gives you a new perspective on college life, one that you may find opportunity to share with your students. Most who encounter the common pitfalls of college life learn much from the experiences. But the notable situations that Sara and Veronica mentioned here are worthy of the “ounce of prevention” proverb coming, in these instances, from the “mouths of babes”.

Have You Seen The Naked Roomate?

I have a confession. This summer I bought my niece a used book for her birthday. Well, it wasn’t used when I bought it, but on the way to the wrapping paper something happened. I opened it up, took a detour to the closest comfy chair, tried not to crack the spine and read from beginning to end.


The book is The Naked Roommate and 107 Other Issues You Might Run into in College. It’s the #1 college student handbook and is required reading and a leadership training tool at campuses around the country. I read one review that said “I just know it wouldn't have taken me 20 years to get my Bachelor's degree had I been given this book when I was 18. This is a must-read for anyone headed for college—and wanting to succeed.” Can you think of a more effective sales pitch?

Cohen addresses issues inside and outside the classroom including: finding friends, encountering unimagined diversity, getting to know your professors and effectively utilizing campus resources. The topics are serious but Cohen engages students with hilarity on every page. There’s humor in the chapter titles too. My favorite is “Residence Halls: Living, Eating and Bathing with Hundreds of Strangers”.

I love how Cohen reassures students throughout the book that college life can be a rewarding and life-changing time, but also that it’s different from anything they have ever experienced. He reminds readers that the social, academic and emotional issues are challenging, but are a NORMAL part of college life and can be overcome when students have the right tools. These might include hard work, mentoring, campus student services, the support of friends and family and, of course, insights from The Naked Roommate.

The gems of this book are the tips that Cohen has collected from students during thousands of interviews at colleges large and small. Readers get real-life examples of how their peers have handled many of the awkward, confusing and emotionally trying situations that are an ordinary part of college life.

Help Me Harlan is the student advice column that complements the book. Here Cohen, who proclaims himself “like Dear Abby, but younger, hairier and a man,” dishes out fresh advice several times each week in response to students’ questions and concerns.

Cohen has not forgotten us, the parents. We get our very own resources. Check out his book for parents, The Happiest Kid on Campus and be sure to bookmark the accompanying on-line forum. Let me know what you like best about Harlan’s network of student and parent support. With his series of books and related websites, Cohen has our students’ backs and ours too.

Making the Most of Your Campus Visits

Are you and your student planning campus visits? Here are some thoughts I have collected in looking back on the many campus tours we have attended with our daughters over the years. Since our daughter, Ronnie, is a tour guide at PhilaU, I asked for her input as well.


Student-guided tours give you a glimpse of life on campus and at most colleges you have options for customizing your campus visits. It takes some planning, but it’s worth the effort. When we visited PhilaU with Ronnie, we arranged for a tour of the Architecture studios and workshops and spent time after our visit having lunch in the nearby neighborhood of Manayunk.

If you visit college websites you are likelt to find an Especially for Parents page. You’ll learn a lot about the campus before you arrive and will be able to help your student plan an informative and enjoyable visit.

Most colleges host open-house events periodically throughout the year, and at large schools that’s sometimes the only way to get to know the campus and its students. At mid-size and smaller colleges you may schedule a family visit, too.

Open-houses are carefully planned to give you and your student a fun, hugely informative and interactive day. It’s a time for showcasing special programs and it’s exciting to be there with so many other prospective students and their families. Faculty is on hand to speak about their departments, research and special interests. You can talk to students already enrolled in the various and learn about financial aid.

During a family visit, you and your student can usually meet with an admissions officer and receive a small-group tour with a student as your guide. One of the things I remember most about our arrival at Philadelphia University was that when Ronnie was talking to the Admissions officer, we could hear her laughter all the way down the hall. When Ronnie is laughing, things are going great.

But, back to YOUR student's big day...

During a family visit, you won’t be involved in an orchestrated full or half-day experience, but you will have the individual attention of the staff. If you schedule during the week and plan ahead, you may be able to make appointments with faculty in your student’s area of interest.

Your students should think about what interests them about their chosen courses of study and ask for tours that focuses on those areas. If your student is interested in science, ask for a tour of the science labs. If you have a design student or engineering student I recommend asking for a tour of the building where all of the industrial workshops and equipment are located.

You and your student should expect a great day, but I would be remiss if I didn't share some cautionary tales.

Ronnie loves introducing families to PhilaU but she says there’s nothing like a parent blooper to put a damper on their student’s campus visit. Parents, please remember that this is a day for your student to take the lead. You are there in a supporting role. Ronnie has some parent Do’s and Don’t’s for campus tours taken from her three years of campus tours-

• Chat with other parents in the group. This gives your student a chance to talk to the
guide without being under your watchful eye.

• Ask the guide what she and her friends like to do on the weekends. Avoid sharing stories
of your own wild college days.

• Ask about the guide’s experiences with housing, classes, activities and faculty.

Avoid personal questions like how much financial aid the guide receives.

• Many students have special needs, but not all of them want a group of strangers to know
about them. Be sensitive to your student’s comfort level with these issues. These issues can be addressed privately.

• Keep your student’s GPA to yourself- whether it is stellar or needing improvement.

I have my own personal list of tips collected from our family’s many years of campus touring. Here are some suggestions that parents sometimes overlook:

• Learn about the college’s (enrollment, academics, meal plans and other vital statistics) before
arriving. Guides focus less on statistics; they want to share experiences of campus life.

• Get there early. With time to spare you can grab a snack or wander around the campus.

• Plan your parking spot ahead of time by using a campus map.

• Look at the bulletin boards to check out the student activities around campus.

A campus tour should be enjoyable for everyone. Be sure to save some time to explore on your own. Find out what is unique to the college campus you are visiting. In summary, relax and have fun and enjoy the day.

Finding “Aunt Joanne and Uncle Tom”

One advantage of our large, extended family and the network of friends that we have collected over the years is that wherever we go, it's likely that we will know someone within a few hours’ drive... someone to visit, someone to meet for a meal or someone to touch base with if we had car trouble (ask me about the Ford Escort timing belt/Garden State Expressway story).

When our daughter, Ronnie, headed off to PhilaU in 2007, I felt good knowing that the PhilaU employees at student Health Services and Safety and Security were available to help Ronnie during emergencies, but I also wanted to give her a list of contact people.. You know... the "in case of emergency" list.

Having grown up in the Philly area, it was easy. My Aunt Joanne and Uncle Tom lived in Roxboro- almost right down the street. Thankfully, Ronnie has never needed them in an emergency but Aunt Joanne and Uncle Tom love a great gathering, so she and her friends have been there several times for lasagna, marshmallow roasts and even a few birthday parties.

If you student will be living more than an hour or so from home, you might consider establishing a few emergency contacts in the area for your student, too. It’s certainly not necessary, but it could come in handy some time.

Although it's easier to create a contact list when you know people personally, you probably have other networks from which to draw. If you are a member of a civic or religious organization you may be able to establish a connection to members at a branch near the college. Or, perhaps you can count on the friend of a friend or a former co-worker. You’ll be surprised at the connections that can be made...

Several years ago, our older daughter, Sara, was considering going to a college in Saint Louis, Missouri. We have friends and relatives in many places, but Saint Louis isn’t one of them. When I was telling our dentist about the school, he told me that he had a cousin in Saint Louis. If Sara was going to Saint Louis he would call his cousin and ask him to be our contact person. Our dentist offered all of this without my suggestion. He has had children in college and he knew the importance of emergency contacts.

We had found our Saint Louis “Aunt Joanne and Uncle Tom”!

Easing the Transition: Philadelphia University, Your Student’s New “Home”

Many parents naturally wonder how their student will adjust to life away from home. My husband, Bob, and I already had several opportunities to observe such adjustments at other colleges with our older daughter, both as a freshman and a transfer student. In addition, Bob is a college professor so we are very familiar with that institution’s orientation and freshman seminar programs. The combination of the Philadelphia University START programs, the optional family orientation and the First Year Experience (FYE) are as comprehensive of any that we have seen. They provide thoughtfully planned opportunities for students to ease into college life and for parents to understand and play a supportive role in that process.

The student and family START programs are offered during the summer. Incoming students meet faculty and staff, find out about PhilaU services and have a chance to explore Philadelphia with returning student leaders. Although Bob and I didn’t attend the family START program, I recommend that you consider attending if you have concerns about academic and social transitional issues. You’ll also receive tips that will help you to provide parental encouragement and stay connected with your student once they’re on campus.

There is a START program for transfer students too, and, having been the parent of a transfer student (at a different college), I strongly recommend that your student not only attend, but participate fully in the activities offered. Being a new, but “experienced” student on an unfamiliar campus is a unique position. Since social bonds have already been formed between returning students of the same age, it is important for your transfer student to meet others who are in the same shoes. The START program allows your student and other transfers to explore the campus and the city together as they get to know others students in their class.

My daughter, Ronnie, thoroughly enjoyed “Finding Philadelphia” during the First Year Experience program which spans both semesters. She and her classmates were exposed to Philly culture and history and went on many excursions to learn what the city had to offer. She especially enjoyed the trolley tour of Philly and the opportunity to buy discount tickets to Rent and Avenue Q.

If you want to get your own take on Philadelphia, look over the daily newspapers: The Philadelphia Inquirer and The Daily News.

Best of all, for a ”front-steps perspective on every aspect of city life, from the sublime to the stupid,” I recommend So, What Happened Was... , a blog by Daily News writer and life-long Philadelphia area resident, Ronnie Polaneczky. She has a perspective on Philly life that will enlighten and entertain you. By the way, I have known Ronnie since first grade and, yes, her name was the inspiration for our own Ronnie/Veronica.

Is there anything you love about Philadelphia that you’d like to share with out-of-town parents to ease their students’ transition? Let me know and I’ll help you get the word out.